Lost in Conversation
How many of your last five meetings took place in person? Together in the same room – and not via Slack or Zoom or Teams? Two? One? None?
If your daily work and meeting routines are dominated by these tools, you are missing out on something. A huge part of our communication is nonverbal, and much of it doesn’t make it through the connection. The cues you would otherwise pick up to fully understand the other person and the topic you’re discussing and working on.
So what if we at least learn to talk to each other much, much better? Clearer? More precise? More focused? More direct? Especially in challenging or difficult situations, especially in conversations that matter to you.
This article introduces a new framework that can help. I call it Values-Navigated Communication (VNC), and it builds on Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model that has been helping to build empathy and understanding in personal and social contexts for decades.
Time to bring these qualities and benefits more into the business world.
Here’s how:
The Original NVC Framework
At its core, Nonviolent Communication, as developed by Marshall Rosenberg, consists of four steps to address an issue:
Observation Describe a situation or event specific to time and context without additional interpretation. Factual, neutral, and objective. In a way that everyone involved can agree on.
Feelings Express your feelings triggered by the described situation and observation. These are emotions or sensations, free of thought and story. Maybe you felt frustrated, relieved, irritated, overwhelmed, nervous, curious, ...
Needs Identify and communicate the underlying needs or desires that are associated with these feelings. Maybe you were missing freedom, belonging, clarity, respect, support, trust, ...
Request Conclude with a clear request for action that addresses the needs. Use positive, concrete action language.
Through these four steps (OFNR), the model guides us to transform the way we express ourselves and listen to others. It’s not about being right, winning an argument, making accusations, or changing someone’s opinion – it’s about connection and creating understanding. Fostering empathy and genuine dialogue.
While steps 1 (Observation) and 4 (Request) are naturally aligned with business communication styles, it’s worth revisiting steps 2 (Feelings) and 3 (Needs).
“(...) concentrating on individual needs can shift the focus from shared business goals to individual preferences, potentially creating conflicts of interest”
Even in a very open and trusting environment, the potential challenges are fairly obvious: Expressing personal feelings in a professional context can create discomfort, blur boundaries, and distract from the common task or challenge at hand. Similarly, concentrating on individual needs can shift the focus from shared business goals to individual preferences, potentially creating conflicts of interest and undermining team cohesion.
From NVC to VNC:
Values-Navigated Communication
The idea is to focus less on personal feelings and needs – but to reflect on the direct impact on the current task and the actual job in the context of the company’s goals and shared values. Still in four steps:
Observation Begin again by describing a situation factually and objectively, a skill that is fundamental to professional communication. Accurately and without personal interpretation.
From Feelings to Impact Reflect on the professional implications of the situation. This involves considering how the observation affects, for example, project timelines, team dependencies and efficiency, client relationships, workload distribution, resource allocation, or overall work quality ...
From Needs to Values Relate these impacts to the affected company values or shared goals of your team or organization – implicitly lived or explicitly on the poster. Examples could be the desire to work in a collaborative way, a focus on innovation, commitment to certain quality standards, sustainability, an inclusive work environment, ...
Request Close with an actionable request (again, something that is integral to business interactions). Be clear and focus on positive and concrete action language.
“Making the case again and again from shared values is a constant reminder of them (…)”
By focusing on impact and shared values (OIVR) rather than personal feelings, the framing of the conversation becomes more objective, directly tied to the work. This makes it easier to raise topics without being emotionally vulnerable. The clarity encourages effective solutions with less discomfort.
Potentially powerful for the overall working environment and culture: Making the case again and again from shared values is a constant reminder of them … and thereby has the potential to strengthen overall alignment, awareness and collaboration.
Same Same but Different:
The Frameworks at Work
Did anyone even read my message? Does he have to be that loud on the phone? Who is actually doing what? Do we really need another meeting for this? Wasn’t that decided already? Why is there an empty cup again?
Let’s see how the two approaches compare – first in a scenario that directly relates to the shared work, and then in a scenario that indirectly affects my ability to deliver my best.
Scenario: Lack of Initiative – NVC (OFNR)
I’ve noticed that you didn’t share any ideas in the last two meetings. (Observation)
I feel discouraged and a bit disappointed … (Feelings)
… because I’m needing more support in our meetings. (Needs)
Could you contribute some ideas next time? (Request)
Scenario: Lack of Initiative – VNC (OIVR)
I’ve noticed that you didn’t share any ideas in the last two meetings. (Observation)
This means we’re left with one direction instead of a real choice between several. (Impact)
We build on collaboration, because different perspectives make our work stronger. (Values)
Could you contribute some ideas next time? (Request)
Scenario: Kitchen Etiquette – NVC (OFNR)
Three times this week I came into the kitchen and found your dishes in the sink. (Observation)
I feel annoyed and frustrated … (Feelings)
… because I’m needing more shared responsibility for the space we use together. (Needs)
Could you please put your dishes in the dishwasher after using them? (Request)
Scenario: Kitchen Etiquette – VNC (OIVR)
Three times this week I came into the kitchen and found your dishes in the sink. (Observation)
This leaves the next person to clear it up, and it doesn’t look good when clients pass through. (Impact)
We value treating each other – and our space – with respect and care, which is essential for a comfortable work environment. (Values)
Could you please put your dishes in the dishwasher after using them? (Request)
Conclusion and final thoughts
Back to feelings
How does it feel for you? The difference? Reading both scenarios, or imagining using it in another situation that’s maybe bothering you right now at work? Here’s my takeaway after sharing the concept and playing it through again and again: The adapted framework – Values-Navigated Communication – provides a much more comfortable, safe and professional approach to addressing issues. Give VNC a try and experience it for yourself! In addition, let me emphasize again the potentially powerful effect of consistently reinforcing the shared values and goals of your organization – and thereby strengthening overall alignment, awareness and collaboration.
NVC is so much more than four steps
It’s an attitude, a mindset, a movement, a way to nurture empathy and respect for each other … and even though it inspired me to build on it and tweak the process for certain situations and environments, I still highly recommend exploring it, learning about it, and experimenting with it. Of course, you’ll find plenty of resources online. But the best way to learn it is to try it, to actually experience it! Take a workshop! Do it in person! It makes a huge difference.
Communication is (almost) everything
It’s always more than a framework. It’s about presence, awareness, attention, intention, listening, understanding … and above all, it’s something that you can never really check off – you can only keep coming back, taking a fresh run at it, and trying to do better again and again. That’s how I see my approach – as another exciting option, another tool, a puzzle piece that can inspire better exchange and better collaboration.
AI x EQ
I also developed this idea with the help of Claude and ChatGPT – as sparring partners for concept development and exploration, for research, and as editing and translation support. They are incredibly versatile tools, but there’s one thing they can’t and shouldn’t replace: actually seeking out conversations – especially difficult ones – and learning to have them better. To foster openness and trust. To reflect together, to communicate more clearly, to motivate each other. To connect more deeply and to create understanding, empathy, and real closeness ... Here we can stay ahead of the machines for a long time to come. If we dare.
In the end, always a good beginning
Let’s keep in touch. If you’ve read this far, this topic must be on your mind too. Let’s connect. Let me know if you have questions or suggestions … for me, this was a good moment to share the approach – but I also have more ideas on how to develop it further, go deeper, and make it more accessible and applicable. Thank you.
Values-Navigated Communication by Christoph Faschian is licensed under CC BY 4.0.